Let There Be Laundry

The genesis of laundry, King James version

1

Near the beginning, Humanity created Clothing.

And the Clothing was unkempt, and without freshness; and dirt was upon the surface of the fabric. And the spirit of Humanity moved among the jumble of garments.

And Humanity said, Let there be Laundry: and there was Laundry.

And Humanity saw the Laundry, that it was good: and Humanity divided the soapy water from the clear water.

And Humanity called the soapy water the Wash Cycle, and the clear water they called the Rinse Cycle.

And the evening and the morning were the first load.

2

And Humanity said, Let there be a purging in the midst of the cycles, and let it divide the Wash Cycle from the Rinse Cycle.

And Humanity made the purging, and divided the water which was before the purging from the water which was after the purging: and it was so.

And Humanity called the purging the Spin Cycle. And the evening and the morning were the second load.

3

And Humanity said, Let the waters of the Laundry be gathered together unto one vessel, and let Clothing be dried in a second vessel: and it was so.

And Humanity called the second vessel the Dryer; and the gathering together of the waters called they the Washer: and Humanity saw that it was good.

And Humanity said, let the Dryer bring forth Lint, the white garments yielding white Lint and the colored garments yielding colored Lint after their kind: and it was so.

And the Dryer brought forth Lint, white yielding white and colored yielding colored after their kind: and Humanity saw that it was good.

And the evening and the morning were the third load.

4

And Humanity said, Let there be additives in the midst of the Laundry to divide the cleansing; and let them be for Preparation, and for Washing, and for Bleaching, and for Softening: and it was so.

And Humanity made two great additives; the greater additive to rule the Wash Cycle, and the lesser additive to rule the Rinse Cycle: they made pre-spotters also.

And Humanity set them upon the shelf in the utility room to give efficacy upon the Laundry,

And to rule over the Washing and over the Drying, and to divide the whites from the coloreds: and Humanity saw that it was good.

And the evening and the morning were the fourth load.

5

And Humanity said, Let the waters cleanse abundantly the undergarments that hath durability, and outergarments that may be worn openly in the season of their fashion.

And Humanity designed great shorts, and undershirts, and panties, and and every article of clothing that Humanity weareth in concealment, which the waters cleanse abundantly, after their kind: and Humanity saw that it was good.

And Humanity blessed them, saying, Be practical, and plentiful, and fill the bureaus of every bedroom, and let socks multiply in the drawers.

And the evening and the morning were the fifth load.

6

And Humanity said, Let the waters cleanse every washable outergarment after its kind, jeans, skirts, polo shirts, and all the Fruits of the Loom after their kind: and it was so.

And Humanity cleansed every washable outergarment after its kind, and jeans after their kind, and every Fruit of the Loom that hangeth in the closet after its kind, and Humanity saw that it was good.

And Humanity said, Let us wash pants and blouses in our shape, after our likeness: and let them predominate over the undergarments of the lower body and the undergarments of the upper body, and over all accessories that resideth in the drawer.

So Humanity washed pants and blouses of its own image, in the image of Humanity washed they them; left-buttoning and right-buttoning washed they them.

And Humanity blessed them, and Humanity said of them, Be fashionable, and plentiful, and replenish the closet, and fill it: and have dominion over the undergarments of the lower body and the undergarments of the upper body, and over all accessories that resideth in the drawer.

And Humanity said, Behold, we have laundered every undergarment which is found in the hamper, and every sock, in the which is the fabric yielding Lint; to us they shall be for raiment.

And to every Fruit of the Loom, and to all the garments of the upper and lower body, and to every accessory that resideth in the drawer, wherein there is fabric, we have given Detergent for cleansing: and it was so.

And Humanity saw every thing that it had laundered, and, behold, it was very clean. And the evening and the morning were the sixth load.

7

Thus the Washers and the Dryers were finished, and all the host of them.

And on the seventh day Humanity ended its Laundry which it had washed; and it rested on the seventh day regarding all the Laundry which it had done.

And Humanity blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it, Humanity had celebrated all the Laundry which they created and made.

Thus it was, and thus shall it ever be.